Do We Want to Be Happy?

Many people and perhaps most people would answer that they do want to be happy. However, most of us lack the understanding of what it takes to be happy and, even worse, society's values today steer us in the opposite direction.

There is such a thing as "happiness studies" that spells out pretty clearly the factors that make us happy. Money, up to a certain point, can make us happy because we can let go of fears of homelessness, sickness, not being able to pay bills and so on. We live in a society that valorizes wealth over all other consideration since another basis of our society is not to trust anyone money/wealth also insulates us from dangers from others. We all know that if we have a legal problem money will fix most of them--we simply don't have anything resembling "equal justice under law" as a practical matter. We may daydream that our culture is what the propaganda says it is but anyone who understand life at the "street level" knows that's bullshit. 

So should we pursue money if we don't have a surplus of it? That's a powerful question and it depends on what you have to do to get it. And therein lies a moral problem that could crimp your happiness--if you have to do things you don't believe in or work for a toxic corporation whose effects in society are very negative then this is going to weigh on you despite the money and your happiness is unlikely to increase. 

But the studies on happiness universally tell us that cultivating mindfulness, gratitude, forgiveness, and kindness will increase our happiness quite a lot. Focusing on making myself happy will tend to do the opposite because happiness comes from doing what you can to help others and those qualities listed above will tend to do that. We also know from the work of Victor Frankl that "meaning" is critically important--do we have a purpose of mission in life? We also know from humanistic psychology of Abraham Maslow who studied the most "exemplary" (people like Albert Einstein, Jane Addams, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Frederick Douglass people of his time to find out what made them function so well and came up with his "hierarchy of needs" which has stood the test of time. 

Now, what is "self-actualization"? It is much the same as "Self-realization" of the Vedantists and such people have the following characteristics:

1. Self-actualized people embrace the unknown and the ambiguous.
2. They accept themselves, together with all their flaws.
3. They prioritize and enjoy the journey, not just the destination.
4.  While they are inherently unconventional, they do not seek to shock or disturb.
5. They are motivated by growth, not by the satisfaction of needs.
6. Self-actualized people have purpose.
7. They are not troubled by the small things.
8. Self-actualized people are grateful.
9. They share deep relationships with a few, but also feel identification and affection towards the entire human race.
10. Self-actualized people are humble.
11. Self-actualized people resist enculturation.
12. Despite all this, self-actualized people are not perfect.

If we think about this we can see how this makes sense--this is the highest level of being as described by Maslow but that doesn't tell us how we get there. We know, however, how not to get there and the ills that are caused by unhappiness, depression, anxiety and toxic addictions. And here we need to talk about the social sphere.

I urge people to investigate what causes happiness and work in that direction. The longest longitudinal study on health and happiness/life satisfaction was the Harvard Study of Adult Development that began in 1938 and is still ongoing. For a TED talk on this go here. Many other studies have produced similar results. Today there are other things you can do to improve your feelings of happiness and decrease your stress level to insure depression and anxiety aren't your constant companions. These things come to three major areas--first to cultivate close intimate relationship, second, to give to others, that is, to put a priority on giving in your own way, and third is to focus on the small things, the scent of a flower, the feeling of wind on your legs, taking a bath, and nurturing yourself as best you can--not through an ambitious exercise program, but through what comes natural to you. We need to start with children--I regret I didn't even think of this so wrapped up was I in me, me, me. And, on a larger level, Maslow's hierarchy of needs is worth considering.

My question to all of you is, have you noticed, that our culture is generally opposed to most of the things that make us happy? Have you noticed that our culture valorizes competition over compassion, revenge over listening, war as the answer to anything, lies created to alienate us from each other, medical care using the model that we are a machine not a unit and so on?